Because Blogging Makes it Real...

Well, it’s official. We’re officially Trying to Conceive. I feel like we’ve been talking about taking this new huge step in our marriage for so long and now it’s here and I’m feeling the rush of crazy emotions that go along with it: scared, excited, nervous. At times I’ve even considered secretly going back on The Pill just because I have a minor freak out about stepping into the unknown. That, and I continually look at my long-term calendar and think, “Well, this isn’t the best time because of x, but waiting is a problem because of y, etc. etc.” Of course I understand that every couple has these hesitations and anxieties, and I constantly remind myself that there will never be a perfect time. I’m also trying to train myself to not listen to other people’s opinions on the matter. My nursing instructors seem to be adamantly disapproving of pregnancy during school, to the point where one of my classmates dropped out when she found out she was expecting. Other people agree that I should wait until school is over. Some think starting now is best because my parents are close-by. I’m trying very hard to mute all those opinions out and focus on what Patrick and I decide is best for us and our family.

Either way, no matter how you slice it, we both want a family. We both know that there is certain uncertainty in our futures due to Patrick’s Naval career, so any type of planning is nearly impossible, and all we can do is use the information we have right now and run with it, adjusting as we go. I went off The Pill back in April, because I knew I needed to give my body a chance to work out the kinks and get used to ovulating again. I started reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility a while ago, but quickly gave up on it. In school, I was always very by-the-book. I immersed myself in books, reading and gleaning information, trying to understand every aspect of whatever topic I was studying. Well, I learned that when it comes to starting a family, I’m not the same person. I kind of like the excitement and romance of the unknown. I don’t want to tell my child some day that I had my ovulation date down to a science and calculated my peak day precisely so we could improve the chances of conceiving one sex over another. I want conception to be passionate and romantic and loving, not a science experiment. So I threw the book under the bed and instead decided that I would purchase an ovulation kit and Basal thermometer, but until I have some indication that we need more involvement, those will be our only conception tools.

So I went to the drug store and scoured the Family Planning shelves, reading every box and mentally calculating prices to get the most accurate response for the best price the least invasive ways. I opted for the First Response Ovulation Test seven day kit. I had been very regular since going off The Pill, so after reading the directions, I figured out what day I should begin testing. Just my luck, my two little lines got close to being the same color, but my test line was never quite the same/darker than the control line. So seven pee-sticks and $30 later, I still am not exactly sure what happened this month. Back to the drug store I went. I bought a second kit, which I began using today, in the hopes that I just started testing too early this month. Even so, Patrick was less than thrilled since I have been making him hold off for a little while so that we know we'll have all our *ahem* supplies at the ready when the time does come (no pun intended, of course). He told me he'd take that gamble (sorry, that was probably TMI). I'll simply add that doing that without any protection whatsoever, was quite nerve-racking for me! And no matter how old I am and despite the fact that I'm married and all that good stuff, buying anything related to the birds and the bees always makes my heart race; I dread the lines at the register and try with all my might to not look the cashier in the eye as she rings up my purchases.

Anyway, while I was at the store buying my second kit, I purchased the thermometer as well. Because even though I'd planned to track my temps, I had yet to start, and I wasn't (and still am not) sure if a regular thermometer was the same as a Basal. For $9.99, I figured at the very least, now we have a back up thermometer! So this morning I started tracking my waking temps. You can download easy-to-use charts here. It's late in my cycle to start tracking, but I figure, if I haven't ovulated yet, I can still use this method as a predictor; if I have, then I missed that boat regardless. Nothing to lose, right?

So, here's hoping that in the next six days my two pink lines match up! Otherwise, it's back to the drugstore I go!

PS, if you're Facebook friends with me, please don't mention this post as we want to surprise our families and friends in a very special way when we do get preggers...so we're not yet mentioning to them that we're trying.... THANKS!!