Time Out to Catch Up

I know.  I know it's been forever since I've posted!  The past couple of weeks have just been a little crazy around our house, so hopefully I can fill you in.  Grab a cup of tea, this'll be a long one!

Family Drama

A week or so before my last post, I received an email from my uncle, currently deployed.  He's probably my favorite uncle, or at least the one I feel closest to, and though he's my mom's little brother, he and my dad were very close too...  Anyway, he is in his late 40s and his wife just turned 40 (I think) this year.  They've only been married five years.  So back to my story...  My uncle emailed me after I sent out my 18-week ultrasound pictures to the entire family.  With such a huge military presence on both sides of the family, we're spread all over, so mass-email updates are pretty regular.  Obviously, I was excited about the ultrasound!  Well, my uncle asked me to please stop sending email updates regarding my baby to his wife.  He told me that, while no one knew, they'd been trying to get pregnant for a few years and hadn't been successful, and also asked that I not pass this information on to anyone.  Needless to say, I was upset.  Not only is this baby one of very few happy things I have to cling to during a very difficult time in my life, but it's important to me to share my joys with those I love most: my family.  I told my mom about the email.  Even though my uncle had asked that I not share its contents, I knew that my mom already knew about their struggles to get pregnant because my dad mentioned it to me a couple years ago; I knew that if my Dad knew, my mom certainly did as well.  Besides, I was upset.  Who else would I turn to but my mama?!

Meanwhile, I told my uncle that I was sorry for hurting anyone's feeling and that that certainly wasn't my intention.  I also asked him what I should do about baby showers, announcements, future pictures, etc.  A friend of mine is throwing me a baby shower next month, and I want to include my family, but I certainly didn't want to ruffle feathers.  My uncle's response was, "Well, let's see if someone throws you a shower and then we'll decide."  I am sorry, and maybe I took that email the wrong way, but the only person I make joint decisions with is my husband.  Now what?!  I wanted to have my aunts at my shower, but I hated the idea of inviting everyone except one person?  What if this aunt has no clue that my uncle has emailed me and then someone mentions the shower to her and she gets her feelings hurt that she wasn't included?  At what point am I allowed to mention my baby in her presence?  Am I allowed to send a birth announcement?  What about pictures once the baby is born and Christmas cards every year?  What about family events - am I not allowed to bring my baby because she's upset that she doesn't have one?  I'm sorry that my aunt has had trouble getting pregnant, but at some point, she'll have to face the music.  She's 40 years old, and she may need to turn to adoption in order to make her dream of motherhood come true.  I can't imagine the pain of wanting a child so badly and not being able to bring one into the world, but that doesn't mean you should transfer your pain to others and tell them that you're not allowed to talk about your baby to them...

Well, in the meantime, my friend (who is throwing my shower) asked me for a guest list, since many people are out of town and she needed to get them in the mail.  I'd given her two versions of the guest list already, since I wasn't sure if I should invite my grandmothers and aunts to this shower, or another one that I believe one of my mom's friends is planning to throw me.  In the end, we decided to just invite my family to my friend's shower, since we had a date for it, and that way, if Mom's friend didn't end up throwing one after all, my grandmothers and aunts wouldn't be left out....  At that point, although I'd told my uncle the proposed date of the shower, he hadn't responded, so I made a lunch date with my girlfriend and gave her my final address list, without this aunt's address included.

The next day, I received an email from my uncle saying it was "ok" to invite his wife.  I called my mom in tears, telling her that I didn't know what to do, because I'd promised my friend that there were no more add-ons (she'd told me that she'd ordered the invitations to be printed and was planning to mail them the next day).  On the one hand, I wanted to be the bigger, more mature person than my aunt and uncle had been and graciously tell them that I was thrilled my aunt wanted to attend and of course she'd be included.  On the other hand, I dreaded calling Sarah again and asking again to add one more...and I really wanted to tell my uncle "Sorry, it's too late; you missed your chance and now you can be the one to tell your wife why she's the only family member without an invitation."  Of course, I didn't do that.  I emailed Sarah and explained the situation, and of course she said it wasn't a problem.  And then I told my uncle that my aunt would of course be included.

But that still doesn't make me feel any better.  Because, while I've been given the green light to include my aunt in a shower, I am still wearing a muzzle with regards to pregnancy updates, baby announcements, and all the rest.  I am hoping that in the next four months the gag order will be lifted and I'll be able to share my joy with my entire family!

Family Trauma

As if there can be any more, right?  Well, this past Monday, we had to put our almost 12 year-old collie down.  Pinner was Little Brother's dog and they were two peas in a pod.  But she hadn't been doing well since Dad died, moping and searching for him any time a man was in the house.  A few weeks ago she took a turn for the worse and couldn't stand on her own and refused to eat anything but bread and table scraps.  Mom called the vet and was given some suggestions to help her perk back up and regain some lost strength.  We nursed Pinner on chicken broth and rice, and determined that we had a bag of tainted dog food, which we were able to return for a full refund.  After a few days, we were able to wean her off the people food and get her back on dog food, and she really seemed to bounce back...barking and "smiling" again.

Last week, I went over to Mom's on my day off to help her sort through some of her paperwork.  I was pleasantly surprised when Pinner met me at the door, tail wagging, and doggy smile all over her face.  It seemed she was back to her old self and maybe just had a cold or something before.  We spent the morning doing paperwork, and the afternoon shopping for maternity clothes for me.  By that evening, when we returned, Pinner was "off" again.  Not standing, not eating, not even looking up when we walked up to her.

The next day, another day off for me, we took her to a local vet that could do x-rays and extensive blood work (we'd called our normal vet on one of the military bases, and she told us she couldn't do x-rays and she really thought we needed the tools a full-service vet could provide).  So after a thorough exam, blood work, several x-rays, and a $600 bill, the vet told us that Pinner might have a stomach bug, she might be suffering ill effects from the long-term steroid use she required due to a chronic condition, or she might have a liver tumor (x-rays showed spinal arthritis and an enlarged and displaced liver, but no visible tumor, and the vet didn't feel one when he was poking around either).  He told us that all of her symptoms could be explained by age, the steroid use, and a virus...or cancer.  He recommended we treat the symptoms as if it were a simple bug and see if Pinner perked up in a week or so.  If she didn't, our options were ultrasound to determine the presence of a tumor, exploratory surgery and biopsy to determine if said tumor was cancer/malignant, and then chemo to treat the cancer....or to put her down.  At her age, Mom and I knew that no matter what the diagnosis, we would not put a 12 year-old dog through surgery and chemo, so we decided to simply treat her symptoms and hope for the best.

Needless to say, after the recommended week-long medication regimen, Pinner didn't seem to be getting better.  My mom had to crush her medicine and feed it to her in a baby syringe, raise her dog dishes so she could eat (she couldn't bend her neck to reach her dog bowls anymore) and my brother had to carry her up and down the steps outside so she could go to the bathroom.  Our normal vet had been in touch almost daily during the week, and had given my mom her home phone number.  By Friday, she told my mom it was probably time and recommended we make an appointment for Tuesday to put Pinner down, with the caveat that if her condition improved over the weekend we'd just bring her in for a check-up.  Over the weekend, however, she got steadily worse.  She couldn't stand on her own, or put any weight on her hind legs.  She couldn't even squat to go to the bathroom and instead just sat down and went...all over herself.  

Mom called the vet Sunday night and asked if there was any way we could come in on Monday as she couldn't bear to prolong Pinner's obvious pain.  I had to be at the hospital all day Tuesday, and Mom really didn't want to go through this alone.  The vet told us that while her office was normally closed Mondays, they were just doing inventory and she'd see if she could sneak us into the treatment room early in the morning.  She promised to call by 10:00 Monday morning.  The next day, she called around 8:00 and asked us to be there between 9:30 and 10:00...  Mom and I packed Pinner up (we had to carry her the entire way through the house, down the garage steps, and into the car she was so weak).  We drove to the vet's office in teary silence, and then carried her into the clinic.  She just looked at us with sad painful eyes, as if to say, "I'm really scared, but I hurt and want this to be over; please just take care of me.  I know you love me and would never hurt me."  It was like she was telling us it was ok.  That she was ready to go, but wanted to make sure we'd be ok after Dad's death, and now she needed to go be with him...

After our last hugs and snuggles, we curled up on the floor with Pinner wrapped in a blanket and said goodbye.  We stroked her coat and scratched her ears and loved on her.  She was gone before the vet even finished giving the injection.  It was time, and she was ready.  By lunch time, she was with my dad in heaven, playing fetch and enjoying a juicy bone...

Family Celebrations

Over the last couple of weeks, I completed my preceptorship for Nursing School.  During a ten-day period, I shadowed a nurse at the hospital, working her exact schedule, and caring for her exact patients.  I endured five twelve-hour days (some of which turned into 14-hour days!), administered countless medications, observed two patients receiving chemotherapy, assisted with blood transfusions, and a million other skills!  I learned a ton and loved the experience.

And capped it all off with a graduation ceremony last night!

My next step is to take the state boards in the next month or so.  Then I'll take some time off before the baby is born to finish my Navy Reserves commitments for the remainder of the fiscal year and prepare for our upcoming move.  Once we arrive at our new duty station, I plan to be a stay-at-home mom for 18 months, which will take us to yet another duty station.  Once we settle there, I'll start the process of bridging from LPN to RN and finishing my second bachelor's degree....which will set me up for a masters program in some field of nursing down the road!!

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And in other happy family news, I'm pleased as punch to announce that my very own Little Brother has been accepted to Virginia Military Institute (VMI) and has been offered a spot on their Division I Lacrosse team!!!  He'd also been accepted at his #1 choice (Hampden-Sydney College, a private school a couple hours away) and been heavily scouted by their lacrosse coaches, but they are a Division III school.  After several days of wrestling with the decision, Little Brother decided that he couldn't turn down the opportunity to play D-I lacrosse and that VMI would better prepare him for his ultimate goal of becoming a Marine pilot!!  I'm so proud of him and wish terribly that I could be with him today for his official visit at VMI as he prepares to embark on this exciting journey!!!  Get ready, I'm sure there'll be a lot of braggy big sister on my blog in the next four years!!!

And with that, I think I'm mostly caught up...  Thanks for sticking with me (how many refills did you need on that hot tea?!)....I promise I'll (try to) do better with posting in the coming weeks!